Who We Are; Our Sexual Orientations
In my previous post I talked about how our thought processes, our preferences and our whole personalities are dependent on socialisation. That claim forms the basis for the discussion I'm going to do in this follow-up, so please spend some minutes to revise if you have to.
I have found that often in discussing this subject, people find it really hard to remove the filter of what has been normalised around them and keep an open mind to at least, understand new arguments. Generally, a lot of the beliefs and values that have come to be perceived as normal actually had normalisation processes that involved more enforcement than persuasion. In other words, we are - in many cases - willingly upholding and conforming to standards that generations long before us were coerced into accepting. Such coercion either took the form of threats of direct punishment from rulership or threats of punishment from deities. Many aspects of heteronormativity had to be enforced at different points throughout history.
That said, let's talk about what we find so absurd with the rationalisation of homosexuality and every other sexuality that doesn't strictly involve a penis and a vagina. Some of the things I've heard are, "Heterosexuality is the only way, look at even animals", "God condemns homosexuality; it is perverted and immoral", "Only mad men would choose an anus over a glorious vagina" and probably the most common one of all, "I have no problem with what people want to do with their lives, it should just be kept out of sight". I'm going to address these one by one.
"Heterosexuality is the only way, look at even animals"
If you belong to this group, I'd like to ask you a question; how did you discover your sexuality? To put it another way for "straight" people, have you been attracted to members of the opposite sex since birth, or did you learn to identify what was attractive and what was not as you grew? Please think about it carefully and actually take note of your answer.
There are those who propound the theory that sexualities are assigned from birth and that it is beyond the power of anyone to try to change what they have been born to be. I do not belong to this group; simply because I don't believe the theory is reflective of my experience, and I also think if it were true, there would be no point trying to "protect" children from exposure to sexual content because they have already been wired with awareness. Mind you, "sexualities" are orientations recognised from the sexual urges we consistently experience towards certain phenomena or types of people based on characteristics we interpret as attractive. That is how I define it at least, and it is based on that that I believe sexualities are outcomes of how we are individually socialised. The mix of "how we are brought up", "what we are exposed to" and "what we experience" which constitute our socialisation throughout life, affects us in so many minute ways that often manifest in the aggregated choices and decisions that we make everyday. What I am saying is, our preferences should not be viewed in oversimplified terms, but as outcomes of lifelong influences; big and small. If a person is of a particular orientation, they are that way because throughout life they have been adjusted and readjusted several times in ways that have either affirmed their tastes or made them confused about what their tastes could be. "Tastes" as used apply in every context; sexuality, clothing, cuisine, leisure, everything. Why is it so hard to accept that a person could be attracted to a certain type of people when even within various in-groups, there are diverse preferences? Let's think about this very carefully.
And for the issue of using other animals as the standard, I really wish I didn't have to respond to that. Look, it's wierd. Just weird. Human beings are rulers of the earth because of our superior discretion, and that discretion is what is supposed to guide us in this discussion. There's probably evidence out there about homosexual behaviour observed in animals but I am deliberately not going to indulge in them.
"God condemns homosexuality; it is perverted and immoral"
There they go again believing that if there was a "God", he/she/it would be so concerned about their sex lives. I really cannot spend time on this point, sorry.
"Only mad men would choose an anus over a glorious vagina"
Ok let's establish something here, homosexuality - or any other sexuality - is not an act. Like I have said, sexualities are consistent preferences for certain types of people based on characteristics we have come to interpret as attractive. If a person is heterosexual, it often means that that person is willing to have a range of intimate pleasures only with members of the opposite sex. Keywords; "range" and "pleasures". Can we leave people of other orientations alone now? Please.
For those who also say they are not in support of normalising other orientations because the survival of the human race is dependent on sexual activity strictly involving a penis and a vagina, again please. Really that's what you're going with? "The human race needs to be continued"; . . . yeah right; kudos if that is the thought that turns you on when you see someone you find attractive.
Trying to police someone else's desire for pleasure should only be considered in the case of certain paraphilic/impulse control disorders. For example, as much as I believe that pedophiles genuinely need care and attention, such attention should be given with the aim of preventing them from acting on their urges. So just like we should do for say kleptomaniacs, we can get them therapy and support while they battle, but they have to be punished the moment they act on their cravings because they would have inflicted themselves on non-consenting individuals.
"I have no problem with what people want to do with their lives, it should just be kept out of sight"
I want to understand something; what exactly does this mean? If it means people who are intimate with each other should stop holding hands in public and sharing pictures of their good times at dinner and proposing to each other in public, then it appears heterosexuals are under attack. On behalf of all heterosexuals, let me plead for mercy and ask that such persecution be brought to an end. Nobody deserves to have to hide their loved ones from society. Not for any reason.
The mere thought of any kind of romance other than heterosexual ones being illustrated in storybooks and movies for some reason, also scares everything out of some people. Somehow to them, seeing a girl express her affection for another girl will be more toxic for children than seeing a girl kissed by a stranger while she sleeps because a curse from some witch demanded it. The fact that you may be afraid that your child could grow up to be "gay" because of a cartoon she/he may have watched is an admission that no one is born with a designated sexuality and socialisation is the strongest determinant of who we become.
I have found that often in discussing this subject, people find it really hard to remove the filter of what has been normalised around them and keep an open mind to at least, understand new arguments. Generally, a lot of the beliefs and values that have come to be perceived as normal actually had normalisation processes that involved more enforcement than persuasion. In other words, we are - in many cases - willingly upholding and conforming to standards that generations long before us were coerced into accepting. Such coercion either took the form of threats of direct punishment from rulership or threats of punishment from deities. Many aspects of heteronormativity had to be enforced at different points throughout history.
That said, let's talk about what we find so absurd with the rationalisation of homosexuality and every other sexuality that doesn't strictly involve a penis and a vagina. Some of the things I've heard are, "Heterosexuality is the only way, look at even animals", "God condemns homosexuality; it is perverted and immoral", "Only mad men would choose an anus over a glorious vagina" and probably the most common one of all, "I have no problem with what people want to do with their lives, it should just be kept out of sight". I'm going to address these one by one.
"Heterosexuality is the only way, look at even animals"
If you belong to this group, I'd like to ask you a question; how did you discover your sexuality? To put it another way for "straight" people, have you been attracted to members of the opposite sex since birth, or did you learn to identify what was attractive and what was not as you grew? Please think about it carefully and actually take note of your answer.
There are those who propound the theory that sexualities are assigned from birth and that it is beyond the power of anyone to try to change what they have been born to be. I do not belong to this group; simply because I don't believe the theory is reflective of my experience, and I also think if it were true, there would be no point trying to "protect" children from exposure to sexual content because they have already been wired with awareness. Mind you, "sexualities" are orientations recognised from the sexual urges we consistently experience towards certain phenomena or types of people based on characteristics we interpret as attractive. That is how I define it at least, and it is based on that that I believe sexualities are outcomes of how we are individually socialised. The mix of "how we are brought up", "what we are exposed to" and "what we experience" which constitute our socialisation throughout life, affects us in so many minute ways that often manifest in the aggregated choices and decisions that we make everyday. What I am saying is, our preferences should not be viewed in oversimplified terms, but as outcomes of lifelong influences; big and small. If a person is of a particular orientation, they are that way because throughout life they have been adjusted and readjusted several times in ways that have either affirmed their tastes or made them confused about what their tastes could be. "Tastes" as used apply in every context; sexuality, clothing, cuisine, leisure, everything. Why is it so hard to accept that a person could be attracted to a certain type of people when even within various in-groups, there are diverse preferences? Let's think about this very carefully.
And for the issue of using other animals as the standard, I really wish I didn't have to respond to that. Look, it's wierd. Just weird. Human beings are rulers of the earth because of our superior discretion, and that discretion is what is supposed to guide us in this discussion. There's probably evidence out there about homosexual behaviour observed in animals but I am deliberately not going to indulge in them.
"God condemns homosexuality; it is perverted and immoral"
There they go again believing that if there was a "God", he/she/it would be so concerned about their sex lives. I really cannot spend time on this point, sorry.
"Only mad men would choose an anus over a glorious vagina"
Ok let's establish something here, homosexuality - or any other sexuality - is not an act. Like I have said, sexualities are consistent preferences for certain types of people based on characteristics we have come to interpret as attractive. If a person is heterosexual, it often means that that person is willing to have a range of intimate pleasures only with members of the opposite sex. Keywords; "range" and "pleasures". Can we leave people of other orientations alone now? Please.
For those who also say they are not in support of normalising other orientations because the survival of the human race is dependent on sexual activity strictly involving a penis and a vagina, again please. Really that's what you're going with? "The human race needs to be continued"; . . . yeah right; kudos if that is the thought that turns you on when you see someone you find attractive.
Trying to police someone else's desire for pleasure should only be considered in the case of certain paraphilic/impulse control disorders. For example, as much as I believe that pedophiles genuinely need care and attention, such attention should be given with the aim of preventing them from acting on their urges. So just like we should do for say kleptomaniacs, we can get them therapy and support while they battle, but they have to be punished the moment they act on their cravings because they would have inflicted themselves on non-consenting individuals.
"I have no problem with what people want to do with their lives, it should just be kept out of sight"
I want to understand something; what exactly does this mean? If it means people who are intimate with each other should stop holding hands in public and sharing pictures of their good times at dinner and proposing to each other in public, then it appears heterosexuals are under attack. On behalf of all heterosexuals, let me plead for mercy and ask that such persecution be brought to an end. Nobody deserves to have to hide their loved ones from society. Not for any reason.
The mere thought of any kind of romance other than heterosexual ones being illustrated in storybooks and movies for some reason, also scares everything out of some people. Somehow to them, seeing a girl express her affection for another girl will be more toxic for children than seeing a girl kissed by a stranger while she sleeps because a curse from some witch demanded it. The fact that you may be afraid that your child could grow up to be "gay" because of a cartoon she/he may have watched is an admission that no one is born with a designated sexuality and socialisation is the strongest determinant of who we become.
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